What are you, Baby?

Dear Baby,

I really want to confirm if you are a girl or a boy. At 13 weeks, 5 days we were told you were one or the other. Even though I have had friends who found out this early, for you, it seems rare. How can it be so sure? I probably won't believe it either way until I meet you in person. But before I go crazy with decorating your nursery, choosing your name, and announcing you to the world, I want to know for sure. I need more proof. So I just made an appointment for a high-tech and overpriced place. Next Wednesday, we will either receive confirmation and further evidence of your gender OR be further confused. It's funny because everyone is soo sure of what you are. My mom thinks you're a boy; my oldest sister thinks you're a girl. I have always felt that you are a boy; the nickname we gave you from the beginning is even a boy's name, haha!  & your other half, is so convinced that you are a girl! Our midwife, the really nice lady who you will meet (right after you meet me), is pretty sure you're a ____! But the pictures are not clear and what if something changes? haha! I know that above all and number one, I want you to be healthy. Health is so important to us...

Your daddy and I are going through so much right now and you are helping us get through so much of it! Thank you and thank God for that. We have a BIG surgery on Thursday and after that, Daddy will never be able to have more babies; you don't even realize how special you are. We also decided yesterday, that no later than one year after your first birthday, we are going to try for your little brother or sister! We are selfish, and even though it will cost us an arm and a leg, we want our future holidays to be filled with lots of you, little parts of us. :] So, God-willing, in a few short days, we will know (for sure) what you are!

I can't wait to meet you...I asked our midwife if she would be open to the idea of me pulling you out myself (if all goes well)...I thought she would think I was crazy- but she was so excited about the possibility. It would be amazing if you get to meet me first. I can't wait. If you come out on time, we'll be in each other's arms in six short months. Can you believe it?!

For now, you will help us get through this surgery, the recovery and being stuck in a hospital in an unknown place. We will choose your name, choose your nursery design, and plan our lives with you. All because you & God decided it was the right time for you to make your presence known.We are forever grateful for you and this experience.

<3,

Hello Second Trimester!!!

My baby bump is non-existent in this picture but I swear it's there!
It's more prevalent when I have a Food Baby to go with it! 

How far along? 13 weeks, 5 days. It turns out we are keeping the transvaginal ultrasound due date after all. Babies grow at such different rates at this point and since we found out later in our pregnancy, we are keeping what appeared to be the most accurate from the beginning. That leaves our due date to January 25th, 2013 (which we all know is only less than 10% of deliveries). This also means that every Friday (instead of Thursday) is a new gestational week for us! Whole new meaning to T.G.I.F! 185 days left to go (26 weeks). 

Weight gain: (still at) 4 lbs. 

Sleep: I think we need a new mattress! Maybe that will help with my sleeping? Anyone know when I'm supposed to stop sleeping on my stomach/back? I forgot to ask today!

Best moment this week: Everytime someone else finds out we are expecting, it's the sweetest moment to share. I love happiness and positivity. It's so funny though, there are people at work that know and haven't said one word. Weirdos! I know you were one of the 400+ views on our video, haha! I would have to say meeting with our awesome midwife for our very first official appointment was awesome today. She spent about 45 minutes just talking to us (getting our background info) and telling us how much she's been thinking about us and even has mentioned us to her family. She told me a million times to make sure to text her before/after Geoff's surgery and reassured us that our baby is here to stay now. We had a long ultrasound with her and she printed out TWENTY pictures for us to have and get us through our surgery. She's amazing! Heartbeat was at 152bpm and we got to see all of it's little bones, fingers, etc! Susie was definitely put into our lives for this reason. 

Miss anything?: I am missing wine! I was missing Bloody Caesar's but we went to dinner with our Loves this Sunday and my filling was fulfilled! So yummy, minus the alcohol! Our midwife said Chai tea was fine, which I had been avoiding, so I'm glad to indulge in it every now and then!

Movement: I felt a weird flutter last night. It felt like a butterfly flutter/kiss from the inside. Doubt it was the baby (maybe gas, although I've never felt gas like that, haha). 

Food cravings: I had been wanting chocolate cake last week and got some. But seriously, when am I NOT craving chocolate cake! haha! I am looking forward to see what weird craving I'll consistently have throughout our pregnancy!

Anything making you queasy or sick?: I'm happy to report that my morning sickness is now on and off all day long which is so much nicer than 24/7! It makes life so much easier to manage!

Gender: We finally decided that we want to have a Gender Reveal ultrasound at a high-tech facility in San Diego. We want to invite all of our family/friends! I have so many cute ideas and already started working on themed invites and favors: "Beau or Bow?," cupcakes with pink/blue inside, with bow and mustache toppers, and matching pins for everyone to wear according to their guess! BUT we ended up finding out today! haha! I have been avoiding talking to anyone today because I don't think I can hold it in! We are trying to decide how to tell everyone. It's just hard that everyone is everywhere. Maybe just Facebook will be the way to go! 

Labor signs: No

Symptoms: I have been ridiculously busy with being back at work, training, getting ready for G's surgery and studying for my PT exam. There's no time to even focus on symptoms, which is a good thing!

Belly button in or out?: Innie but now it's round! haha! It's always been oval. I feel like I have lost my waist!

Wedding rings on or off?: on

Happy or Moody most of the time?: Is Busy a mood? That's all I've been! & excited, of course. I am starting my very own counseling program at school (and teaching only one Spanish class) and I couldn't be more excited. It's SOOO much work; more than I could have imagined but I finally got my little area today so I'm looking forward to getting keys to it and hoping to have it a little ready before we leave to Tucson. I'm nervous about Geoff's surgery. But above all, positive!

Looking forward to: Revealing the gender of our sweet, crazy baby! Now I want to get the nursery done overnight! & choose a name or two ;]! I also want the results from our screening from last week. I found out today that the doctor who gives the results has been on vacation. Boo!

Jefe with our 20 ultrasound pictures from today!

Top left: side view of baby with arm on side;
Bottom left: baby is upright, sitting Indian-stylee, with arms up! What?! We had NEVER seen an ultrasound pic with the baby sitting up!!
Top right: Baby still in upright position, arms on side, lol.
Bottom right: side view of the baby waving and actually smiling, haha! Our baby is such a character already! 

Side profile views: big ol' lips everyday! Baby is measuring 3.0315 inches! Crazy! 

Our Announcement Video

Our Greatest Creation

click!

So since our original idea went out the window, we had to come up with something quick and still 'us!' We decided to try to emcompass how we feel about our relationship and our hopes for becoming parents. Geoff and I are extremely individualistic. We each have our own set of hobbies, friends, interests and completely respect and encourage each other in these. Yet, we also work soo well together! In our video, we wanted to capture how even though we love our own things, we love each other the most, and together can beat anything; hence, Geoff being such a miracle. But then, our baby being beyond a miracle! :) With badass steeze!

We are hoping that when we become parents, we still are able to have it all: our individual interests, our relationship, AND be parents. I am sure that in the beginning, it will only be parenthood. & we are so happy and eager to embrace that. But we also want a healthy balance in life. I know many experienced parents will shrug and wish us luck with that one, but hey, we have always been different. We have already set the tone for how our relationship works and hope to continue that.

I cannot wait to have our baby in this world; healthy and ready to become an amazing human being.

Week 12

Right after my sweaty workout again! Looks like I'm leaning a bit back!
I really want to show, already! haha!

How far along? 12 weeks, 5 days or 12 weeks, 6 days, OR 13 weeks, 2 days, haha! IDK!
Weight gain: I was down 1 pound all week until this morning; went up 0.5 lb so that leaves me at 4 lbs. still.
Sleep: I took a nap this week and quickly learned I should never sleep after eating! It makes me feel super sick once I wake up!
Best moment this week: I'm waiting at the doctor's office waiting to see our baby! I am positive that will be it! We already heard its heartbeat: 166bpm! UPDATE: seeing our baby was the BEST! Heard its heartbeat again and the ultrasound technician who was performing the NT test said that although we wouldn't get results until our next visit, everything looks great! She said it was the most cooperative baby she had all morning (she must have had a rough morning- our wait was over an hour!).
Miss anything?: same as last week!
Movement: No movement! I read that in a month or so is when you usually start to feel movement! I hear it's the most amazing thing! I can't wait!
Food cravings: no big cravings this week! I did have a cinnamon roll (two, actually) and a little bit of Rocky Road the other night! Haha!
Anything making you queasy or sick?: I've actually started to get some relief in the last two days!!! Instead of 24/7 sickness, it's been on and off! I'm so glad that I'm hopefully on the mend! The midwife we saw today,  said that from here on out (minus the last 8 weeks) should be the 'Honeymoon months!' I really hope so!!
Gender: thinking boy but I can't get the idea of a girl out of my mind! The midwife today was pressing down on the top of my uterus from my lower stomach today (which looked flat as can be) and said "Oh, I'm thinking pink!" Then when she heard the heartbeat, she said "Oh, yes, pink!" She explained that the more rapid the heartbeat the more chances of a girl and that boy heartbeats sound deeper. Then the ultrasound technician, for our NT scan, used the pronoun 'he' at one point! Might have been a slip or may have been habit. Who knows! All I know for sure is that we want a healthy, happy baby!
Labor signs: No
Symptoms: I have had more energy the last couple of days! Maybe it's the excitement from announcing our pregnancy in just a couple of days and seeing our baby, or maybe it's just that I'm feeling better!
Belly button in or out?: in! The belly button ring I ordered came in! That thing is looong! I'll have to trim in whenever I'm ready to wear it!
Wedding rings on or off?: on
Happy or Moody most of the time?: The beginning of the week was rough. Especially with losing all of our reaction videos. But I have been on top of the world since then. Just gotta focus on the positive! These next few weeks are going to be insane with Geoff's surgery, my PT test and the new school year that I will be missing the beginning of!
Looking forward to: I sound like a broken record: announcing our pregnancy to everyone! Also, finding out our gestational age again! this facility and the one we are planning on going to from here on out are off by a day...then at today's appointment with the ultrasound technician, our baby measured at 13 weeks, 2 days! What?! Haha! Hello Second Trimester, two days ago...which is exactly when I started to feel some relief! Who knows how far along we really are! I'm also looking forward to brunch! This girl is hungry! & the wait today was far too long! Our next appointment with our regular midwife is next Wednesday, the 25th. Hopefully, we'll get clarification on the gestational age and they can ask for the results from the place we went to today!

End of first trimester beginning of second trimester photoshoot! Big lips and a button nose so far! It was so cute. It kept sucking it's thumb so we could seriously see it's pouty lips opening and closing. It also fist pumped a few times! Not as rowdy as last time we saw it, where it was kicking and fist pumping like crazy!

Our special announcement

We have been so so anxious to announce that we are expecting to everyone and last night decided to start working on our video project for the big reveal this Wednesday night or Thursday morning...Well, we had recorded all the reactions and were planning on creating a movie trailer of sorts where everyone's shocked reactions would be shown and then eventually announce that we have a miracle to share! All the videos were in a special file labeled accordingly and when Geoff began adding them to the intro he started on, he realized they were not playing. Apparently, when the videos uploaded, they uploaded as an image, NOT a video. So what we see is when we hit record as an image. Only one video plays (hint: Avocado) but they are all gone. I was mortified. SO frustrated and even cried in frustration! I am seriously so tired of this luck. I know it seems silly but these videos were so so special. & not just to share our news but just for us. To one day be able to show our baby just how excited our loved ones were for it. For us. The good thing is that I have these videos engrained in my mind and my heart. I replayed them so much that I know them by heart. But honestly, nothing beats having captured those moments. So many emotions captured.

I'll never forget how Geoff's mom jumped up and down over and over in the middle of our living room and the tears she shed, along with his dad and brother....or how Squirrel really made me cry- I think she was the only one who evoked that emotion from me; a genuinely happy cry from her and me...& LBC crying?! Holy crap! Didn't see that one coming but she was so genuinely happy for us! & Pansy cursing me out, hahah! That one made me crack up each time....or Yuky, the first one I told & probably one of my favorite reactions; it took her a good 15 seconds to process it and then went through the shock of saying "no! shut up! omg!!!" and then the tears came! My parents and sisters...oh how I wish those would have at least stayed...both my mom and dad repeated "J's pregnant" a million times...and the way my dad embraced me...for so long...then embraced Geoff, then back to me. Amazing...How B finished the bite of her ice cream before letting the shock take over! haha! Or Mirror's scream after it finally registered!! haha! Then she cried a lot! Haha, how my co-father thought we meant his wife was pregnant, hahahhaha! At least that's what we think! He looked scared! How Nena had to get up from the table and rush over to hold me... LC wouldn't stop pushing and the whole time Penguin was saying "Cheeeeeeeese!" Roomie couldn't stop crying; Fritzy cried at Jiffy Lube; Chiquita couldn't breathe; my sisters' embrace and shrieks! We have a couple of Geoff's phone that saved but they are not videos- just recorded audio (K&J's phone call)- which is awesome...the videos of their actual faces are what I have embedded in my mind.

Writing these memories down is humbling and slightly therapeutic. I wish those videos could be restored. But at least I have those memories. & I have a baby in my belly. Who is almost 3 inches long and we get to see in two days. I had my frustrated night, I vented as I wrote...now I'm ready to go on. I have more important things to focus on: out kit from New York just arrived and within this week we have to bank our possible future baby. I should say babies because you never know what can happen with in-vetro! Haha! Geoff also has to take a million new tests before his surgery (two CT scans, an EKG, a heart ultrasound, a colonscopy (poor guy) and another one I can't recall- helllooooo co-pays...it all costs sooo much but it is the best money we've ever spent because Geoff is still here), well he had one this morning to check on his heart. His new surgeon wants to make sure the blod clot he had until a year ago didn't return or else surgery could not happen- well, thank God, he's in the clear! They were able to give results on the spot!!!! No blood clot, woot! I hope we get our ultrasound test results on the spot on Wednesday, too! :)

No Doubt released their new single today. I got to listen to the whole song and I absolutely love everything about it. The lyrics are so perfect for me.                                               

"I'm fine (and nothing's gonna knock this girl down)

I'm feeling positive for real (I'm all good)

I'm fine (and nothing's gonna knock this girl down)

It's gotten complicated that's for sure.

But you can see it my eyes, 

you can read on my lips

I'm trying to get a hold on this

And I really mean it this time

And you know it's such a trip

Don't get me started

I'm trying to get a hold on this

No big deal (I can handle it)

It'll bounce off me (I can handle it)

In or out, moved block before, doesn't matter anymore

Here we go again, are you insane?

We're underneath the avalanche so heavy again

I'm a rough and tough, i'm a rough and tough

And nothing's gonna knock this girl down"

-"Settle Down" NxD

Week 11

Starting to show! Some days it is flatter than others- total awkward phase! Lol!
This was a bloated day! I can't wait to get a cute baby bump!

How far along? 11 weeks, 6 days (we took this around 11pm on the last day of Week 11- procrastinators)!

Weight gain: 4 lbs. 

Sleep: I know I'm supposed to be getting tons of sleep at this point and sleeping like a baby- but that has yet to come. I've always been a chronic insomniac, so sleep simply doesn't come easy for me. I have such a hard time waking up in the mornings! I had switched all my Personal Training clients to the mornings for summer (we're talking 5:30am) and I just switched them back to evenings! I'm just SO exhausted all the time!

Best moment this week: Knowing that we are SO close to our second trimester! 

Miss anything?: Over easy eggs and turkey sandwiches- so weird because we were vegetarians for a very long time and a year ago became mainly vegetarians. I have only cooked meat in our house once (for Christmas last year) and now I'm craving turkey deli meat like crazy!

Movement: No movement but I can move my belly higher- like when I push it out all the way, instead of being lower, it can expand all the way up- so weird! Apparently, my uterus migrates from the bottom to front-and-center of my abdomen in this week! Which means I should be showing more soon since it is also apparently the size of a grapefruit, eek!

Food cravings: see above, lol!

Anything making you queasy or sick?: Still, so sick. I have realized that I need small, constant meals. Eating sucks because I feel queasy in between, but if my stomach isn't full enough I feel worse; if I miss a meal, it's horrible. So small, constant meals. I've also begun to get this horrid headaches, every single day. I took Tylenol two days in a row and then decided to just hang tight. Woke up with one today. :/

Gender: Still convinced it is a boy. 

Labor signs: Nope

Symptoms: My baby bump went away that I started to notice in Week 10! Flat as can be again! Then towards the last couple of days of Week 11, it started to come back! 

Belly button in or out?: in- I ordered a prenatal belly button ring, lol! It's like 2 inches long and flexible. I'm so curious to see what my belly button will look like!

Wedding rings on or off: on

Happy or Moody most of the time?: I have been so moody this week. One moment I'm happy, the other I'm moody! I think my lack of sleep has a lot to do with it... & these headaches! Wah!

Looking forward to: We are almost at 12 weeks! It's such a huge milestone for pregnancies! I can't wait! By the end of Week 12 we will have had our NT test and on the first day of Week 13, we are officially in the second trimester and announcing it to the world!!! 

Beyond a Miracle

This baby is beyond a miracle. I wish there was a word that best described it, but I have yet to find one. I do definitely want to incorporate these meanings into its name, though! We already knew that this was a miracle... Geoff was completely infertile a year ago and doctors confirmed it would be 7 years before it MIGHT come back...Both our midwife and the fertility doctor we saw last week were overjoyed and couldn't believe it. When you have a DOCTOR telling you that this is a real miracle, you know that medicine can't explain it. It's beyond...

Well, this week we went to Tucson for Geoff's consultation with the new surgeon. While explaining Geoff's gnarly surgery, he also said there is a 95-100% chance that we will never be able to conceive naturally, as he is going to be cutting off the testicular tube that enables the exportation of sperm. He said that if I were to ever get pregnant naturally again, it means that he did the surgery wrong. No other explanation.

Whaaaaaaaat?!

Never in a million years did we expect this. I cannot describe how 1). heartbreaking and tortourous this is....and 2.) Our baby....omg... God really sent this baby to us on purpose and at the right time in our lives.  He knew this was going to happen even though we would have never ever anticipated it.

I am overwhelmed with these feelings of gratitude, sadness, happiness, confusion, & inability to coherently explain what I am feeling.

The doctor kept stopping himself in his tracks, mid-conversation, shaking his head and congratulating us. This pregnancy is so unheard of...

Our baby is beyond a miracle...

Week 10

Coming home at the end of our trip back home to L.A.

How far along?: 10 weeks, 3 days

Weight gain: 3 lbs. 

Sleep: I have been so exhausted but all of our recent roadtrips haven't allowed for proper sleep.

Best moment this week: sharing the news with my family and best friends in California. Also, seeing our baby and hearing its heartbeat the day before we left on our trip!!! 173 bpm. Our amazing midwife even had us record it. We also got new ultrasound pictures and it's starting to look like a baby now! We had an ultrasound and testing scheduled at one facility that day. When we arrived, they told us they scheduled us wrong and we wouldn't be seen again for another month. There is nothing worse (at this point), than thinking you would get further confirmation of your little fetus [still being present and healthy] and then be told that it wasn't going to happen for FOUR weeks! Geoff had even left work to come. :/ Without a word, we rushed to our midwife's office and asked to see her (we didn't have an appointment or anything). Within 10 minutes, she had rushed out to speak with us and had us on the ultrasound table! She is amazing! Thanks to her we got to see our baby, hear/record its heartbeat and get updated pictures to introduce it to our family!

Miss anything?: feeling energized and not sick!

Movement: too early still.

Food cravings: this weekend was my mom's food- luckily, I got to see her and she got down on her Puerto Rican cuisine!

Anything making you queasy or sick?: Wah! Almost everything!!! It sucks so much!

Gender: I am convinced it is a boy, especially after this visit. 

Labor signs: Obvs, not. 

Symptoms: On June 30th, I woke up with a bump! I couldn't believe it! I immediately called my mom and Geoff so they could see! Later that afternoon, we told one of our best friends and one of the first things she told me (after the initial shock) was "I was wondering because you have a belly! That's why I had been asking you how often you were working out!" Lol! I am now officially SUPER self-conscious of my body! I know that I am creating our little miracle baby BUT as a personal trainer, and someone who takes fitness and health as a main priority, it is hard to see my body change so much. Especially because a month ago, I had started to finally develop my abs of steel. I think it's just hard right now because only a few people know we are expecting so to the outside world, as my little bump develops, I'm just getting out of shape, haha!

Belly button in or out?: I've always had an innie, a pretty deep one, so I doubt it'll come out; at least anytime soon!

Wedding rings on or off: on

Happy or Moody most of the time?: Happy! So so so happy! 

Looking forward to: Our next appointment so we can see our baby, take its NT test, and announce it to the world!

Our Little Miracle at 10 weeks, 0 days; measuring 32mm. It grew 10mm in a week!