I have found myself in a funk lately. Although, I am unsure what the specific reason is, I think deep down inside I am aware of how changes in life are the root to my current disposition. I have had a tough life. A hard life. A life full of hardships, sadness, destruction, unhappiness, poverty, disillusion....you name it, I have been through it. & yet, I have always found the optimism in it. I have always held on tightly to whatever light at the end of that mysterious tunnel that I can fathom. I have worked hard, struggled, used every tear of disappointment to be my driving force towards happiness. Ultimately, that is ALL I want out of my life. Happiness. The happiness that is spelled out by a light heart; the kind of happiness that makes you laugh so hard your abs hurt and you can barely breathe. The happiness that makes you take a deep breath, look around, and simply beam. Where you appreciate everything and everyone around you.
& sometimes, some days, most days...I am there. But in keeping it raw and real, lately I have not been. I have found happiness throughout my day, but not that innate happiness that is contagious and what I believe is the reason I have been blessed with loved ones around me. Instead, I have felt frustrated; I have been able to cry, pretty much at command...I have doubted myself; doubted where I am in life and questioned where I am going.
But today...today, I see a beacon of light in the horizon. I feel as if I am evolving. I am coming out of my cocoon and peeking out into the sunshine to see what God has blessed me with. I am ready to truly confront where I am in life, who is around me, and embrace both the things in life that make me happy, and the people in my life who make me happy. Because ultimately, aren't we all just chasing our happy...?
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