Mamahood Styled



5/10/2018

// a letter to my baby girl...//



Dear Luna,

I realize I haven’t written to you since before you were born. I’ve been thinking back so much on our journey to get you earthside and how my life has changed through the process. I wish you could already understand how special you are, how every time I look into your eyes, I feel saved & truly believe you are the missing piece to our family puzzle. 

The last three months have been a very trying time for me. I have not been present for you and your brother the way I should be, the way I imagined i would be and daydreamed our lives would be like. I couldn’t wait to be over the PTSD caused by IVF, I couldn’t wait to finally have our home together, but even then, I have fallen apart...hard. I’ve been consumed by the anxiety and depression that have entered my heart and mind. I’ve tried so hard to be present, to erase what my mind and heart feel, compartmentalize and separate, and just let my admiration for your presence receive the amount of my energy it rightfully deserves. But I’ve failed so often lately. And I’m so, so, so sorry. & while I’m well aware that you won’t ever remember this- that all you’ll know is that your Mami held you tight and loved you immensely, i am still so very sorry.  I am grateful for your littleness to guard your own feelings from this time in my own life, but I am fighting to be the me you deserve. You’re so new and I can’t wait until you consistently have me; the better me. I promise you, baby girl, I am working so hard to do so. And I have faith in myself that I am taking the steps daily to do so. 

This period of my life has me thinking so much about you, my sweet girl. I wonder what obstacles you will face and how you will handle them. While I know you will experience sadness and disappointments throughout your beautiful life, I pray you are better at handling them than I have been lately. I’ve been through sooo much heartache my whole life, baby girl, but i have always been able to have a positive mental attitude and stay focused on blessings; & this period of my life feels equally hard or at times even harder than other hardships, especially with so much... one after another. & i want so much more for you...

Here are some hopes and wishes for you, Luna Baby: 

I pray you always hold your head up high, stay true to yourself, and believe your heart and soul in all that you do. You will make mistakes, you will fall, and sometimes you won’t know how to get back up. I pray you always lean on your family and have an extended support system who will love you unconditionally; we will listen to you, cheer you on when you’re right, and help you rectify when you’re wrong, but you will have our support when you need it most. I pray your voice is always heard & never thought of as unworthy of being listened to, your feelings validated, and you learn to communicate soundly. I pray you learn to listen, truly, with both your mind and your heart, and always give grace, for yourself and others. Don’t be quick to judge (I know it's human nature but you will find yourself eating your words at some point because no one is perfect, including you, baby girl), and watch what you say- a heart can forgive but may have trouble forgetting hurtful words (and never repeat what you hear about yourself, making it negative self-talk, because you may start to doubt yourself and believe them), and never, ever wish ill upon anyone. Unfortunately, you may be on the receiving end at times, but I hope you know your own worth and continue to give grace. Base your relationships on personal experiences, don't follow the crowd and don't pull anyone into yours.  I pray you open your heart to kindness, forgiveness, love, and healthy relationships. Surround yourself by kindred souls who will also lift you when you need it most and when I’m not present. Communicate how you feel, even if you feel like a broken record that doesn’t make sense, and when they offer their shoulder to lean on, do so. Let them cry with you. Cherish them always and be there for them indefinitely; I realize you will have times you are alone, by choice and by default, but i hope you don’t ever feel lonely or ostracized or get consumed by negativity, whether from others or from yourself; no one is deserving of that and I hope you know better than to serve that. Don't be passive-aggressive, it can really hurt someone. I know you will make mistakes along the way and as much as I wish I could protect you from the real world, I know I can’t. But know that even when you make mistakes, it’s okay to cry, reflect, be honest, and be heard. Don't punish yourself repeatedly. Take ownership and be aware of lessons taught. Be patient with yourself and others. Don't be afraid to disagree, but do so respectfully; there are very few instances in life that are black and white- so be aware that the grey area brings forth different opinions and that's okay.  Be courteous to others, don’t ignore people or your feelings, communicate them. Give everyone the opportunity to be heard; there will be a time you will want your voice valued, too. If you see someone in pain, reach out to them. Just be a nice human. Say sorry and mean it and let your actions show that. Clarify your words when they become misconstrued; Mean what you say, say what you mean, but don't say it mean. You never know what other people are going through, so be nice, smile and greet them- a simple ‘hi’ can mean the world to someone, and it takes so much more energy not to (at least for me). Tell them they can sit with you. Your likelihood of your heart being broken, by a boyfriend, by a friend, by me...is very, very likely. Your heart will (eventually) heal, but I pray you get the opportunity to gain closure and not hold grudges- they lead you to dark places. When you break hearts, I hope it's not intentional. There will be relationships that are amazing in your life, and will have ebbs and flows but last a lifetime. There will be others who serve their purpose for a page in your book. There will be those you wish loved you as much as you love them, and vice versa. There will be those you say you can't imagine life without them, and when they are no longer in your life, it will hurt daily. For those, I hope they are worth working at. There are just some people in life you don't give up on. Unconditionally. Don't ever rob someone of their presence- they are not invisible, so don't treat them as such. You are worth it- and there may be times when someone doesn't think so and it will hurt your soul but know that you are absolutely worthwhile. Through all of this, know your character, integrity and morals- you define these by your consistent and continuous actions- not anyone else. You will find so much power in being female, use it to empower yourself, empower others, especially other girls- find your tribe and love them hard, but neve join forces to be mean girls.  Follow the Golden Rule that is our family rule: treat others the way you would want to be treated, respect yourself and others, and work to be selfless and compassionate. There will be times when you have to be selfish but never do it to bring someone down. Always work towards being a better version of yourself but appreciate yourself, too. 

While I do hope you are in touch with your feelings, I hope you are not as sensitive and over-analytical as me, but i do hope you inherit the carefree (from your brother and daddy) yet empathetic qualities we also have. I hope you don’t give up on who you are, what your heart and soul are made of, to your truth. You are enough, baby girl. I absolutely hope you’re a much, much better, patient, stronger version of me. Know that I am working hard at being the happy mess I’ve always been and finding peace in my mind and heart again to be the fun Mami you deserve. You are worth it...& I realize you there will be a time in our lives when I won’t be your most favorite person, but I think that’s the role I signed up for when Diosito made me your Mami. I hope i raise you to not need this advice because it will just be absolutely innate for you, but know i will remind you of it often, and use it myself, as I’m using it now. I don't always follow these but I really, really want and am practicing them daily, while others are truly innate for me. I want to be an overall better mother, wife, daughter, friend, & role model. My beautiful soul, you are everything to me, to us. & I promise you, you are beyond loved & worthwhile & I am bettering myself to be your example, baby girl. 

Love you to the Luna y más,

Mami 

"In my daughter's eyes,I am a hero,I am strong and wise,And I know no fear,But the truth is plain to see,She was sent to rescue me,I see who I want to be,In my daughter's eyesIn my daughter's eyes,Everyone is equal,Darkness turns to light,And the world is at peace,This miracle God gave to me,Gives me strength when I am weak,I find reason to believe,In my daughter's eyesAnd when she wraps her hand around my finger,How it puts a smile in my heart,Everything becomes a little clearer,I realize what life is all about,It's hanging on when your heart is had enough,It's giving more when you feel like giving up,I've seen the light,It's in my daughter's eyesIn my daughter's eyes,I can see the future,A reflection of who I am and what will be,And though she'll grow and someday leave,Maybe raise a family,When I'm gone I hope you'll see,How happy she made me,For I'll be there,In my daughter's eyes"


Blogger Tips and TricksLatest Tips And TricksBlogger Tricks