Social-Emotional Learning
This is definitely the year of social-emotional learning being at the forefront of our children's lives and I couldn't be more excited to share what I know because this is most definitely one of my jams in life!!
Through social-emotional learning we teach our littles the knowledge, skills and attitudes to help them grow into empathetic humans with the ability to make and maintain healthy relationships! A huge foundation of that is the ability and capacity to understand your feelings, the reason behind your feelings and how to cope with them, which is my focus today!
But first, take a deep breath, and don't you worry, mama, I've got you! This isn't as complex as it appears at first glance. It's the skills that most of us have been learning as adults, but explicitly teaching them to our littles- something that was not the typical norm when we were littles ourselves - takes time and effort! I'm going to explain a little about each section and give you practical ideas on how to apply it (and I bet you already do a lot of this- at least for yourself- I mean, #self-care has become a trending goal, now more than ever)!
Teaching Emotions
I think we all naturally teach our littles the foundational emotions, right? I'm sad, happy, mad..etc!
Do a daily check-in with your little(s), multiple times throughout the day. How are you feeling? What made you feel that way? Play is the very best way to teach them. Notice your child smiling or laughing through their toys/dolls and start having them identify how they (or their toys) feel in the moment and recognizing why they feel that way. "I feel ____ because ___." Having them recognize how someone else is feeling is so huge to building their empathy! Also, don't think that our little ones are not ready to claim their frustration, annoyance or anger. Teach them beyond the basic feelings, no feelings vocabulary is above them- teach and model- what does it look like, feel it, sound like for them?
Don't wait until your child is mid-tantrum to start this- calm, playful and neutral states of being are key here! Our goal is that they will be able to apply identification, understanding and coping when it a state of distress but that is not an ideal time to teach it? Ask my husband: if he tells me to calm down when I am already heated....beware!
Teaching Coping Skills
Set up a calm-down area for your little(s). It doesn't have to be a big space. Perhaps just a pencil box with some fidgets and squishies; a little pillow to sit on or stuffed animal that brings them peace. Teach and model how to go to this space to calm down or take a break when needed. This is not a timeout corner or a place to punish/ground your child- this is a calming, peaceful space they can own and learn to go to when they feel they need it. You can suggest for them to go when you notice them start to escalate, or model it yourself when you feel you need it!
While there are tons of coping skills we can model and teach, breathing is my go to favorite. Deep breathing helps calm down our mind, bodies, and hearts and just a couple of breaths can give us the time we need to think before we react. There are a million different and creative ways to teach breathing in kid-friendly ways but the essence is simple: deep breath through your nose as your belly grows, hold it, breathe out through your mouth while your belly drops. Repeat. Go Noodle and Cosmic Kids has some awesome videos you can look up, too!
Make Time for Listening and Talks
Accept the feelings they have without trying to necessarily solve their problem for them. Give them the time necessary to feel. It is their timeline, not ours. Be an active listener- don't feel the need to correct right away instead of explaining. I have to bite my tongue more often than not! And make sure to maintain your own regulation- keep your body, words and breathing calm for them. I even tell them "I'm taking a few deep breaths because I am feeling myself getting frustrated!"
Ultimately, normalize talking about the feelings we all have. Feelings are typical and normal and it's totally okay to be mad, frustrated, annoyed, silly, sad, etc. Communicate that explicitly with them! These feelings are temporary and sometimes don't have an immediate remedy; it's okay to just feel. It's what we DO while we are having those feelings that can sometimes get us into trouble or into situations we later regret.
Know that your little(s) love you for you and always will! You are doing the very best, mama!
xo,
J
